Tuesday, December 28, 2010

!ShekeTimes’ Another Sheke Story!! ---

           The only son of a corrupt political Babu had a somewhat unique khwaish! To win in an episode of a renowned quiz show hosted by India’s greatest quizmaster, Mr.Prashnottar Das that was aired in the channel “Star ++” (an open source version of Star Plus, with added functionalities). The quiz was broadcasted every Sunday at 10:00 A.M owing to its incredibly high TRP value. 

          When the politician laid it out to the quizmaster sternly that he(Prashnottar Das, the quizmaster) had only two options to choose from, which were either to make his son win an episode of the quiz or to make his son win an episode of the quiz (yes, you read it right) ,  Mr.Das confirmed that it was a no big deal and he could swimmingly make it happen, err , fake it happen.

“Its not a mammoth problem Rathoreji. I’ll ask your son the easiest of the questions and also, I’ll make sure that other 2 participants face the toughest questions and your son ‘ll emerge the winner, no doubt.”

“ No that’s not feasible. My son doesn’t even know the ACB of general knowledge, so no matter what questions you ask, however easy they’ll be, he’ll fail to answer”.

“Oh , that’s ok still. I‘ll provide him the questions prior to the show , may be a week before that, and let him collect the answer and get prepared.”

“No Dasji, you are not getting me. Even if you give him the questions, he will not be able to fetch the answers, he doesn’t know how to.”

“Oh ok. In that case, I myself will provide him with the answers. That should suffice”.

“No no Dasji, even if you give him the answers, he cannot memorize the correct question-answer pair and will mess up the show entirely.”

“So what do you want me to do? We can’t literally fake it infront of an audience and other contestants”.

“What you are going to do is up to you, but my betwa must win.That’s it. All he knows about quizzes is that participants say pass when they don’t know the answer , ha ha ha and nothing else. Yes, its very true that he has almost zero general knowledge, zero common sense and negative reasoning skill. Yet, I don’t want to disappoint him, he must win. ”, he chuckles.

 

And the quiz started. There was almost a miracle there, the show proved to be a wholesome stunner as that son of the politician literally won that episode. While the questions asked to other two participants were something of the sort, ‘Who was the fourth president of Mozanbique?’, ‘Who won the bronze in 100 m running race in 1952 Asian games’, ‘Which is the 31st movie of Shilpa Shetty?’…et cetera, the questions asked by the quizmaster to the son of the babu were these.

1. In professional Ice Hockey, what do you call the movement of the puck from one player to another ?

2. What do you call that portion of a restaurant, which is traditionally a counter or an area separating kitchen and "front of house" where dishes are expedited and made ready for delivery to diners are placed by the kitchen for collection by wait staff ?

3. By what name would you call the personal safety device used by fire-fighters entering a hazardous environment ?

4. Which island is a former community on the southern shore of Newfoundland and Labrador, whose most settlers were resettled to the communities of Hermitage-Sandyville and Harbour Breton ?

5. What was the brand name formerly used by the Bank of Ireland for ATM cards ?

.

.

.

.

.

For all of which, he confidently had answered, “PASS” ………, which was indeed the perfect legal impeccable answer ;)

 

(Answers are here for readers’ verification : Question 1 , Question 3, Question 4, Question 2,5 ).

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

!ShekeTimes dives into the pages of history...

!ShekeTimes this time did some research on historical rules/orders and found this astonishing fact!! Read on...

King Osmon (A.D 1388 – A.D 1450) of central Andalusia was an ambitious ruler. Always he wished to have his name inscribed over the everlasting time tablet. Albeit this, he was never up to the mark and succumbed to his foes pretty easily almost everytime that more or less left his name go unnoticed. But his sheer aim of having his name engrossed for some notable cause remained intact inspite of his low profile as a paladin. During the latter half of his career as a king, he summoned the most intelligent of his ministers and ordered to come up with something remarkable which could be hooked up to his name and be in the limelight for centuries to come. Minister Nautilus worked on this for quite sometime and knowing the fact that the king has lost his vibrancy and power to map his name to some glorious victory, he asked the king to impose a ban on smoking and to put “NO SMOKING” sign boards everywhere.

“But how does that make my name stick on ? ”, he questioned.

“ My Lord ”, said Nautilus , “ ‘NO SMOKING‘ is the ANAGRAM of ‘KING OSMON’, anagram wherein the words of one are jumbled up to form the other. And wherever the crowd sees it, they remember Thou my Lord”.

The king was over joyous and soon abolished smoking in his kingdom quoting that’s injurious to health and installed the signboard “NO SMOKING” at nearly every feasible place. It so did happen that whenever the masses saw the board, they remembered KING OSMON.

Thus goes the history of a famous ruler and a well known sentence, which is for reasons unknown, lost in the pages of time.The boards can be seen even today universally, but people hardly recall the king and the fact that’s behind it.

( PS: But renowned historians of that time like Lieoster and a few others noted that, while the general public was mostly against that law, they silently thanked God for not making the ruler’s name KING FONUC ).

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

!ShekeTimes -- ShekeThought -- 1

The judge of the international court of justice had three children. Two sons and a daughter. Elder son was hyper-active, the younger was moderately lazy but the daughter was comparatively the laziest. By hereditary, they all had peerless judging skills, that made them, when they grew up, a football referee, a cricket umpire and a tennis chair umpire respectively!!!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Recommend me for a Nobel in medicine ;)

(My old thought, just that I’m updating it in the blog now).

 

Using Sheke for a global cause ;-)

What is AIDS?
Destruction of ur White-Blood-Cells,which is ur immune system.


Now what is Blood Cancer?
Abnormal increase in the number of White-Blood-Cells!!!


Wow!! So, here lies a very good cure for Blood Cancer!!
Inject HIV to the blood cancer patient and with two deadly and bhayanak processes fighting each other inside him,he can stay happily and can stay long :) :P . Isnt it :) :P

IS (Intermediate Script): The reverse of this cant b done as ,unlike  aids, v donno the source of blood cancer :(

Please recommend me for a Nobel in medicine :P :D

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

RGV to direct a movie wid Preity and Shilpa: “Ditch over the Pitch”

/* No offence meant: All characters r purely imaginary and if you find any coincidence between the characters mentioned and some real life people, i can just say LOL */


After the dramatic banning and the eventual court rumblings of two of the IPL teams, one owned by old age Preity and the other by age old Shilpa, RGV is all set to direct a film on the same. Grapevine says that the film is being produced by Lalit Modi to use this as a weapon against BCCI and its bullish moves of suspending him, KXIP and RR from the lucrative league. Who has played the lead male role in the film is still a mystery, but going by the back-fence talk, it’s Yuvi, who had no job other than reading the script of this film during the recent test series. Shane Warne is supposedly making his Bollywood debut, in a guest role. Lalit Modi also mentioned of dubbing this movie into two other languages UttarPradeshi and Rajasthani, which he thinks as the languages spoken widely in states where the teams are based!!

Believable sources described that the movie is all about how Preity and Shilpa exposed. I mean, how they exposed rural cricket talents to the whole world by offering an opportunity to play in their teams. And about how Yuvi and Warne utilized what they had exposed.

Music maestro A.R.Rahman was first approached for music of the film, but he sternly declined. Then Modi contacted a number of music directors including Anu Malik, Sajed Wajid, Vishal Shekar, SEL and so forth, who all rejected the offer because flamboyant and all innovative Modi, whose creativity we all have seen in the opening and closing ceremonies of IPL, wanted a 3D music for film. We heard of him questioning, ' if video can be in 3D, why can’t be the audio?’. But when no music directors turned up, he suddenly remembered Sivamani who was often seen on the stadia when Chennai Super Kings played and gave him his first offer ever.

Meanwhile, BCCI officials said they will team up with Raj Thackerey’s Maharastra Navnirman Sena and try their best to enforce a ban on the film citing that the movie is entirely pro North Indian states (Rajasthan and Punjab) and is hence harmful to the integrity of the nation, particularly of ‘Mumbai Indians’!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Few of the famous codes written over the generations…. (to be updated as and when)

/* Developer: MOHANDAS_K */

if(slap)

return(other_cheek);

-----------------------------------------

/* Developer: ISAAC_N */

for(;;action++)

reaction = -action;

------------------------------------------

/* Developer: ARINDHAM_C */

for(;;chicken++)

if(chicken != hatched)

count++;

------------------------------------------

/* Developer: LORD_KRISHNA*/

/* Reference Doc: ShrimadBhagavadGeeta */

malloc(current_tasks) && free(result);

------------------------------------------------

/* Developer: J_Keats */

if(thing == beautiful)

{

for(;;)

{

thing = joyous;

}

}

----------------------------------------------------

/* Developer: Canara_Bank */

//This piece of code is now obsolete

grow()

{

serve();

}

serve()

{

grow();

}

-----------------------------------------------------------

/* Developer: Adidas */

public static final String impossible = “ ”;

------------------------------------------------------------

/* Developer: Hammurabi */

if(eye)

return(eye);

if(tooth)

return(tooth);

//Objection_1: MohanDas_K

//Reviewer comments:

/* return() values like these will

eventually remove all variables */

-----------------------------------------------------------

/* Developer: Rajinikanth::Project:Baasha */

fun_speak(char* speaker, char* words)

{

int i;

char* baasha = “Rajinikanth”;

if(strcmp(speaker,baasha) == 0)

{

for(i=0;i<100;i++)

printf(“%s”,words);

}

else

printf(“%s”,words);

}

----------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, November 19, 2010

Micro-thoughts….(to be updated as and when…)

IRONY

As employees were spending too much time on Facebook, Infosys blocked it first in its network. Then it was Accenture, Mindtree and many others who blocked it. Facebook’s popularity grew so much off late that even biggies like Microsoft and Google blocked Facebook.com during the office hours. Now, the popularity of Facebook is at such heights that to avoid its employees from spending too much of their time on facebook during working hours, the website is now blocked in Facebook.Inc too.!!

FAST FOOD

Yesterday(14/06/2010) , a new hotel (kinda chat centre) got opened close to my room here in kormangala.. it was named "FAST FOOD" !!! So I was just wondering how can anyone FAST and have FOOD at the same time !!! :P

HEART’S SECRETS REVEALED

God knew two facts.

1. Its impossible to forget any of your loved ones throughout your life.

2. An average person will fail three times in love in his/her lifetime….

That’s the sole reason behind Him putting four chambers in everyone’s heart :)

CWG Fuss

Yesterday(24/09/2010), all of a sudden, these thoughts started appearing....
Do I have the right to criticize CWG when,
1. I myself used to finish reading for my exams just 1 or 2 minutes before it started. (Many a times, din't even finish)
And with my parents' money, I was shattering their hopes with that act....
2. I myself would still be coding and fixing and testing even on the date of product delivery.
3. I myself clean my room once in a bluemoon, maybe till I feel its mine.
4. I myself find it difficult and stammer to provide the breakup if at all my dad asks,"How you spent the month's salary?".
No, I don't think I have. Do you??

ROMANCE

One of my friends here was very happy when he read that French is called Romance language,as he is learning it. Then he saw that even Spanish was called Romance language! And then Italian too !! Later we came to know that languages derived from Roman are referred as Romance languages !!!!

SCRIPT FUN

While writing a small application, i did a small mistake in naming the checkboxes of the script. The results were so terrific and crazy!! "Relationship status" field showed "Male" and "Female" while in the "SEX" field, it displayed "Single", "Open" and "Its Complicated"

AS IMAGINED BY ME

I thank all those beautiful girls, who increased my customer base, by ditching their boyfriends.

-- DR || VIJAY MALLYA

 

HUMANITY

If someone says “HUMANITY IS ABOVE ALL”, do Animal-Right Activists oppose??

 

Difference between Rancho n Chatur ;)

Question: Name any phenomenon where wind energy gets converted into sound energy.

Chatur: In Lancashire boilers,this happens when the outer pressure of the inner cylinder is greater than 3 pascal and whistle’s threshold is lesser than that.

Rancho: One phenomenon is sometimes when you fart.

 

One simple doubt:

Why gtalk maps "Red" color to "Busy" , "Green" color to "Active" and "Saffron" color to "Idle"??

Does that mean "China" is busy ( in supporting our foes) , "Pakistan" is active (executing terror plans) but "India" is idle , doing nothing against it ??